The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
