you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
