Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
birth control should be required to get into college
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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