tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
