Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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