tell your sister to shave her snatch
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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