somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize