There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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