I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
