Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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