Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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