she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
