I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
