Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
