so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
