So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
