I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize