Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
