My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
