I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Randomize
