New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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