in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
