Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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