I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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