one word: firstdatebathroomanal
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
