What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
