I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
