Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
