i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize