My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
