Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
