Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize