friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
