I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
