3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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