be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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