people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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