If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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