dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
