dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize