I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
