I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
