God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
