they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
