i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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