It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
