and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
