Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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