If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
