Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
