you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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