2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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