just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
