Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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