i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He better not be in your backpack
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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