i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
