just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
