I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
