How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
