the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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