At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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