Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize