Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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