it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
