I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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