He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
