I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
