I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize