I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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