Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
