I got her a Nickelback box set.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize