i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
