i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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