hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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