I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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