i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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