Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
