Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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