Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
