Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize